Sunday, 30 October 2011

30.10. Computing Quotes

I promised you more quotes earlier this month, and I have spent many evenings the last week online, searching for the best ones. I have found so many that I have decided to divide them into 3 different posts, as they are too many for one post. Tonight you are getting some priceless computing quotes and some about Facebook, definitely contemporary quotes and for all of you who still are in the dark about Facebook, my apologies in advance; you won’t get the jokes. Perhaps about time you sign up….you might just as well give in, the rest of us have already had to…


COMPUTING QUOTES

The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
Bill Gates


"Username or Password incorrect." TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU IDIOT!


I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget.


The awkward moment when Wikipedia has copied your homework…


Dear Internet Users, someday you will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.


I wish I could Google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldn’t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.


I do my best proofreading right after I hit send.


Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.


Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.


Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.


Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.


Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.


If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0


My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.


The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.


Any fool can use a computer. Many do.


Difference between a virus and Windows? Viruses rarely fail.


Those who can't write programs, write help files.


If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.


People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft paid 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'.


You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary.


Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There are icons all over my desktop...!


Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labelled "My Computer". Double click on it.
User: What's your computer doing on mine?




ABOUT FACEBOOK

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to mess with you.


Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.


Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.


I bet that in prison everyone's Facebook relationship status is set to "it's complicated".




FAMOUS COMPUTER PREDICTIONS

There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977


I have travelled the length and breadth of the country, and have talked with the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall, 1957


It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years.
John Von Neumann, 1949


The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a 'mouse.' There is no evidence that people want to use these things. What businessman knows about point sizes on typefaces or the value of variable point sizes? Who out there in the general marketplace even knows what a 'font' is? The whole concept and attitude towards icons and hieroglyphs is actually counterrevolutionary — it's a language that is hardly 'user friendly'. This type of machine was developed by hardware hackers working out of Xerox's Palo Alto Research Centre. It has yet to find popular success. There seems to be some mysterious user resistance to this type of machine.
John Dvorak, explaining why the Apple Macintosh would fail in the San Francisco Examiner, 1984


I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years.
Bill Gates, 1994


Two years from now, spam will be solved.
Bill Gates, 2004


Ah, well famous last words from Bill Gates there, if he only had been right! Although I am glad the previous one’s predictions fell flat on their faces, since without the computer and the Internet, I would not had my beloved laptop and would have had to find something else to do the around 60-70 hours a week I spend on my computer. Shock and horror! I could have had a life :-)

I’ve got more quotes for you, come back tomorrow for some quotes by a famous bear. I am not saying any more, you will have to wait and see. Take care, see you tomorrow.

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